The Answer Lies Within The Question

Nov

9

→ Posted by Bunny in At Home, Relationships.
The Answer Lies Within The Question

I have been taking some time off from writing, and to those of you who have emailed me, concerned as to what is going on, I have only been on a short break. It did mean a lot to me receiving your emails and inquiries. Things are fine here in Bunny Land.

We are planning a vacation and have chosen the Caribbean for our destination. I found a beautiful villa which idyllically meets our needs, in St. James, Barbados.

What is important to us is privacy and the beach. I didn’t realize until last weekend my husband wanted Internet provisions also. This is a change from the first criteria where internet was forbidden. Realistically though, the internet is part of the family and a means of communication between us and our clients. Gotta love the clients… right?

I suppose most women would be insulted. I mean why does he need the computer when he has me? The fact is that is where he works. He is a responsible man so I can’t just ask him to give up communication to his clients for two weeks, right?

If my husband and I had picked a simpler life, I suppose the internet would be a problem on vacation; but after thinking things through, we have a business with clients who depend upon us.

computer in oceanThumper always puts me first and seriously his clients are who got us here in the first place. Mine too. My clients are low maintenance compared to his. So I have to give in to the annoying f-mail.

Every once in a while there is a mail from one of his clients who asks how to install a website after he has written them step by step instructions. He ends up having to install most websites he makes. Just the other day one of his clients uploaded a zip folder without unzipping it first.

This is a good client just in over his head with all this extremely complicated and highly sophisticated rocket science stuff like websites, the interwebz, puters and such. Granted the one thing I love about Thumper’s job is he can do it from anywhere.

All that is required is his computers and the internet. How great is that!

I would have to say one of his hats is babysitting his clients so they have the full benefit of his work. Some clients just don’t know how to set up all the functions he makes. His applications are so hi-tech. I am very proud of him.

Back to our vacation. I believe because we are entrepreneurs we have to sacrifice some things, even during vacations.

emai in a bottlelI know, I wont be ignored completely. I am only packing beachwear and dresses. He will take out the computer once in a while only to check his email. No heavy jobs. This is one of the compromises you make to be happy and make your partner and spouse happy too. I found this out to work in our case.

A good man is hard to find, and when you have one, it does seem you have to make plans that you would not have to make if you only married a guy who decided to be something and not someone. I have thought about this quote several times today. When you want to make a difference in this world, you figure out what little things don’t really matter in the string of happiness. The simple truth is my husband is important and needs to be reachable by his clients. I have him all the time and I am truly a very lucky woman. I mean how many people get it right the first time around? How many years does it take to figure out how it works with marriage?

I think not rushing into marriage was my best decision. I worked on me and became independent. When I got married I knew who I was and who would compliment me. My husband compliments me like no other and I have kept my individuality at the same time. Keeping your individuality is very important for growth. You don’t want to live in anyone’s shadow including your husband’s. What you need to understand – you can’t have the storybook romance unless you put down the rules in the script. The rules aren’t going to be inspired by a movie you have watched recently, or the circle of friends you keep.

As an individual, you know what you want and how to get it. If you are not materialistic or needy, it becomes very clear that certain things aren’t needed to be happy. It is all a matter of lifestyle and what you are used to. I am self-disciplined – that doesn’t mean that I don’t enjoy luxury when I am on vacation. But I’m not materialistic because I don’t like clutter in my space. I am not high maintenance because I have a husband that exceeds my expectations. I know I exceed his also. A woman can have a career and the love life. It only takes the right man by her side, who is her equal. How is that?

Don’t base your life on a movie or how your friends think it should be. You are the only one that can make it happy and make it happen. Be the leading lady or man of your life and don’t follow a movie script written for people’s entertainment.

Bookmark this post in your favorite service!

30 highly appreciated Comments

1

Dragos Roua says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 5 am:

That was a very touching post. You said a good man is hard to find. So is a good woman, believe me. And you seem to be a great pair for your husband. I’m happy for you and wish you a great holiday. With internet and stuff, if this is the only way to do it :-)

2

Oscar - freestyle mind says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 9 am:

That was something that’s not easy to understand for non-entrepreneurs. If something relays on the internet for his business it’s not nice to leave his laptop at home. I wish all the best on your holidays!

3

Garret Gillespie says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 10 am:

Fantastic post Bunny! Your closing paragraphs are the mantra I and my beautiful spouse live by. We took the time to find ourselves and try a few partners on, then when we finally met each other, the fit was right and we dove in with out any doubt. That was 25 years ago. Not all of them easy, but all of them worth it.

4

Positively Present says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 11 am:

What a great post! So funny that you wrote about this because on my blog Hope Springs Internal I recently wrote about how Kate Winslet is the leading lady in her own life and how great that is. Thank you for writing this today… it’s very inspiring!

5

John says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 12 pm:

Hey Bunny, I was beginning to wonder where you were. Glad everything’s okay!

This post really speaks to me. You’re living my ideal lifestyle – traveling whenever you want, working as a location-independent entrepreneur, living life to the fullest with your partner. One day I hope to be in the same position as you, but for now, I’ll be taking it slow, one step at a time :)

6

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 2 pm:

the internet is truly NOT the only way to do it, you know this, Dragos.

You didn’t the sarcasm behind the post. I could of written about how he still can utilize the net from his phone just like I can but who really wants to and if he does who really cares besides me. lol

Thanks for stopping and wishing us well.

7

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 2 pm:

Hi Dani,

Good lines in movies apply in life just like good quotes.

Thanks for stopping in.

8

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 2 pm:

Hi John,

Haven’t you been to Brazil? It seem you wrote a post about this.
We don’t have a secret only together we work for what we want, if that is a secret??? Life is easier when you have someone to share it with in every
way.

9

Frank Jovine says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

I am so sure hubby will enjoy what you wrote! It comes from the heart and what you truly believe.

Lucky guy!

10

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

Thanks Frank,

My husband is often my inspiration to write.
I am pretty lucky as you have said before :)
Still like a child wanting more of his attention ~ lol

Who won the football game?
Hope the Mrs. is feeling better.

Thanks for the support and comments.

11

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

Hi Oscar,

Well of course there are simple ways for him to stay in contact. He has a BlackBerry and even my cell has internet access.

What I was pointing out is that even if you have a business you still deserve a vacation without working during it. It is just us and no one at home to answer a question or fix a problem so bring the laptop a long is just a preventive measure. If we had employees it would be different maybe …..

Thanks for stopping in and sharing.

12

Zeenat{Positive Provocations} says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

HI Sweetie,
I am so glad to read this today. We have a friend whose having huge problems with his marriage. He was here this evening talking about it…and when he left…My hubby and i just hugged forever till my little on came and tugged in between…he just said..”how lucky are we??” I was thinking the exact same thing. It took both of us some heartache..and its the second time around for the both of us..but we are so lucky we finally found each other… And sweetie so are you. Love and the right person come but once. We have to learn how we can both compliment each other ..rather than have ego clashes.
Love this post. and love you so much.
xoxox…
p,s. i want to see nice pics form the vacation ..:)

13

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 4 pm:

Hi Garret,

That is what happened with us. I also believe a lot of what makes it work was the love we saw growing up. Both of our parents were devoted couples.
My mom and dad still are working together.

Our years together haven’t been total bliss but that is natural. I just wouldn’t get on here airing every little private detail. I try to make small things we experience funny where it might help someone else relate.

At times people ask for more personal posts, then when you write one, you are seen differently, almost like a magnifying glass is on you.

Thank you so much for sharing and congratulations on the 25 years of marriage. I love to hear men talk about the love of their life so affectionately.

14

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 4 pm:

Hi Zeennat,

I feel I touched a dear friend with this post. She was very cynical with me this morning. I know she has been unhappy. So I felt badly for a while well still do, ;(

I guess sometimes people get upset when they read someone is happy and start to compare their life.

I admire you so much for the great work you do. You have a gift of insight that always lifts me up by receiving an email or reading one of your articles.

You my friend are a blessing !!
xoxoxo

> only by email

15

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 4 pm:

Bunny, this is a wonderful post. We are headed for Kauai in Jan. and the laptop is also going. All things in balance works for me. Of course, that’s easier said than done. I love all the nice things you said about you husband and marriage. You are blessed to have each other, Thanks for sharing your life with us.

16

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 4 pm:

Hello Jonathan,

Thank you so very much. I feel blessed to have him.
My parents went to Hawaii on vacation last year and loved it.
This is an actual vacation not a visit where relatives have planned your whole trip and we have both worked hard for it.
Besides the beach, I found a piano bar that we plan to visit one evening but other then that, relaxation and doing some site-seeing during the day. There is a polo club and golf course close by, so who knows. I have never seen a polo game before.

Thanks for all your support.

17

Conquer The Monkey says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 5 pm:

Bunny, you will have a great vacation, and I agree with you that entrepreneurs never fully get time off, it just doesn’t work like that.
but, a sweet post and I’m glad you do get to go some place with a private beach, the quiet and sound of the ocean is such great therapy!
Cameron
http://www.conquerthemonkey.com

18

Bunny says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 5 pm:

Hi Cameron,

Many people don’t see it as clearly unless you are one and experience the responsibility. It never stops. It is part of our life. I feel it is like a baby and we wouldn’t leave a baby home alone and since there isn’t a babysitter (employee as of yet) we need to be real make allowances and it is only preventive maintenance.

I cant wait to hear the sound of the beach. NOW if only we could have a mojito tree or two there …

Inside joke with Thumper. ;D. He is in charge of making the mijitos.

Thanks for popping in and sharing I will be over to see you and I need to add you to my blogroll too.

19

Patricia says:

→ on Monday, the 9th 2009f November '09, around 11 pm:

Ah a vacation – I take my laptop and my husband takes his bike…or rents one…this year we took separate vacations and that was enhancing of the relationship after 32 years – made for new sharing and some excitement.

We are going for a week to San Francisco over Thanksgiving to do walking tours again – which we both like to do together…

You are very lucky indeed enjoy and relax and be each other’s #1

20

carla says:

→ on Tuesday, the 10th 2009f November '09, around 3 am:

When we first moved here, we didn’t have internet access at home for the first five days. It was torture; having to go to cafes every days, etc. The situation is, we both work for ourselves and we don’t have the luxury of paid vacation time or employees to pick up or slack. Things were picking up for the both of us after a slow down so we had to take what we could get. Vacation? What vacation? LOL

21

J.D. Meier says:

→ on Tuesday, the 10th 2009f November '09, around 12 pm:

> When you want to make a difference in this world, you figure out what little things don’t really matter in the string of happiness.
Well put and perfect words of wisdom.

22

Bunny says:

→ on Tuesday, the 10th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

Hello Patricia,

I think biking around will be fun for us at least during the day. We both have decided not to spend a lot of time out in the evening instead grill and chill at home.

Thanks so much for stopping in and sharing your thoughts.

23

Bunny says:

→ on Tuesday, the 10th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

Carla,

SO TRUE! We are in the same boat too. No employees yet.

Thanks for sharing :)

24

Bunny says:

→ on Tuesday, the 10th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

JD ~

I was reading about the road trip you and your wife took just last night on your site.

We have talked about doing that eventually ourselves someday.

I took a short break from writing then decided to get back to it over the weekend.

Thanks for stopping by and sharing.

25

Stephen - Rat Race Trap says:

→ on Tuesday, the 10th 2009f November '09, around 6 pm:

Hi Bunny, I really enjoyed this article. “Keeping your individuality is very important for growth.” You’ve got that right. My wife and I’ve been married 29 years and it would have never survived if we didn’t both have our separate spaces and lives in addition to our together spaces and lives.

I think we have to switch from work being a time or a place to work being something else we do. Just like anything else we do. Thinking of it being a time or place is limiting. Of course you have to have a balance, but I don’t see anything wrong with taking a little work on your vacation. If you never relaxed during work it would be different, but I suspect neither you nor your husband maintain a totally rigorous schedule.

When I have a flurry of creativity, I want to have it. When I don’t want to work, I don’t want to work. I’m trying to figure out how to do what I want and need to do without having it boxed up and restricted into places or times.

Thanks!

26

Priscilla McIntire says:

→ on Wednesday, the 11th 2009f November '09, around 2 pm:

Hi Bunny,

What a great post, you are very much correct that you are the only one who can make yourself happy, and we are responsible for choosing relationships that fit with our own personalities and life-styles.

Oddly enough, I found your site because someone you have been tagged for the Kaleidoscope Relationships List Meme, I am hosting on my site. The relationships I am referring to on this list are more general and networking based relationships than of romantic ones, but it seems to fit you too. Please participate with us in making this list a huge success. For details see http://priscillamcintire.com/2009/11/01/kaleidoscope-relationships-list/

Have a fantastic day!

-Priscilla McIntire

27

Walter says:

→ on Wednesday, the 11th 2009f November '09, around 9 pm:

You have an open mind, so is your husband. This is an important factor in any relationship. Both of you are truly blessed to find each other. :-)

28

vered | blogger for hire says:

→ on Thursday, the 12th 2009f November '09, around 3 pm:

I agree. You gain so much being an entrepreneur, but you must also make some sacrifices. I would think taking a few days completely off would be fine, but two weeks is significant – it makes sense not to disconnect completely.

29

Michele | aka Raw Juice Girl says:

→ on Saturday, the 14th 2009f November '09, around 2 am:

This is my first visit here (I followed over from Zeenat’s blog), but I’m so glad I stopped by. Your post is very thoughtful and yes, when your business requires the internet (like Vered said), you have to sometimes make sacrifices.

But, Barbados? Wow! You’ll surely have a fantabulous time!!!

*smiles*
Michele

30

Steven Handel says:

→ on Monday, the 16th 2009f November '09, around 4 pm:

And of course if you really love your job everyday is like vacation anyway, right?

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