I decided to write an article on a very sensitive subject: morality, self-respect and fidelity. For those of you who are fumbling their way through life, not having a clue of the characteristics you are looking for in a partner - how are you managing it?

I was baffled, to say the least, when I got lucky with Thumper. But relationships were modestly few for me before we met and mind you, I’m 30.

Now some of my friends who know me well enough have questioned my morality, asking me if I thought about being celibate until I found Mr. Right. When and at what time and how soon it was going to backfire down the road.

Well, I didn’t believe it would, and frankly, I still don’t. I think that questioning my morals is not a way to impress myself. But when you have friends dating like they’re shopping, and trying on a new pair of jeans each week - I did question whether they knew what they were doing.

I realized I had become very popular with the guys in our click. Then the flag went up and I felt that I had set myself for more attention by elaborating on such a personal subject. Guys always want what they can’t have.

Go Figure.

It isn’t as though I judge anyone. I am more into what is right for me, and it’s their life, not mine. For instance, it never bothered me that I wasn’t dating in college. I was having fun and committed to achieving my goal. Men would only have been a distraction, and I watched several girlfriends drop out or get married during college.

College. In college, I discovered traveling, credit cards, road trips and mudding. That you really can survive a weekend in the same clothes if you dress in layers, and it really is a 24 hour drive to Orlando. Not to mention I did receive a masters degree in the meantime.

Today, many of my friends are on their second marriage. They have gone through divorce and are now dealing with Husband #1 and Husband #2.

I wonder: are women still being conditioned to become wives - or to merely survive?

Does “she” feel her biggest day is her wedding day, and once “she” has succeed with getting married, “her” life is complete?

In today’s society, where you have men and women both acknowledging that “nothing lasts forever”, just before they take the walk down the aisle - -are they truly expecting to divorce once they’re at the junction?

Then why do it in the first place.

I have talked to many cynical men and a few women on this subject. Many men say it is bogus and unrealistic to believe in the commitment of marriage. To stay monogamous for the rest of your life. To be binded to only one other. They say that love changes over time. Yet, men want and expect their woman to abide by them. Sometimes, men shed a very despicable light on themselves.

The women have either decided not marry, or some even have had children intentionally. Without marriage. And these are all career people. Educated friends. Loyal friends.

Just what has happened to marriage? Is it becoming extinct? Can the people that still want it, have it?

I truly hope so.

I am not the typical Catholic chick. I have become more spiritual over time, but I do take commitment and marriage vows very seriously.

I also take equality very seriously. This is something women are still fighting for, especially in the work force. Men have been putting women in their place for centuries. Selling women for sex, their wife, their daughter or sister, probably even their mothers. Then the old ’swapping them’ for land. Yeah, this is what our value was in biblical times. I can guarantee you, it was a man who founded prostitution. And when exactly did fidelity become such a problem?

Women have to submit to selling themselves to make money because of not having an education for thousands of years. But why are they still doing it and governments allowing it?

I got into a tiff this morning when I was told that “countries that have legalized prostitution have less of a sex crime rate”.

First of all, a country performing such a study is telling me that they have to justify their own law. Secondly, how many of these women have normal lives? Hasn’t a crime and misjudgment been placed on them? When women have grown up believing and accepting this as an alternative, who do we have to blame? Children learn what they have been taught.

Was it when porn was legalized? When strip clubs opened up on every corner? Since cable television with R-rated shows was offered in the comfort of our homes? Then the problem with the computers and the internet and the innumerable adult sites. It is everywhere. Sex is being used to advertise and the majority of the young kids today are being babysat by the television. The messages given are ‘if you aren’t a size 2 and don’t wear skirts up to your coochie and jeans painted on your ass, you aren’t with it’.

These girls are 10 to 12 years old.

How many men are taking advantage of these little girls? How many men have be aroused from booze and porn only to take advantage of children? How many have picked up a child with the intention of having sex because she is looking promiscuous and older than she really is?

Then the attempts to blame the child because it pretended to be an adult. So television and pop music have played a role in the kid’s education on sex. This just shouldn’t be allowed, and I have no pity for a man who would do this anyways.

I don’t see how it is ever going to stop, as long as women feel this has been permitted. They actually don’t value themselves as anything more than as a pleasure throw-away toy for men. Sex, not love, and when it comes to sex, I feel especially men don’t have a conscience. Animals do that. People are supposed to be human.

You put a bull in a corral with fifty cows to tend, and a man would say ‘Lucky Bull’

I guess if I were a cow, I would be the one jumping the fence.

Then there is the temptation with all this being actually available. It is out there, and people are weak when stressed or drunk, and that is no excuse. But have you ever wondered - if these bars, clubs and joints weren’t around, how many boyfriends and husbands would probably go home and resolve their problems with their woman instead of turning out to another one?

This makes no sense to me. For one, if he’s not making his wife happy, why does he think he can make another woman happy?

Once upon a time someone said, it is a man’s world. Well I would love to see what women would have done differently. Why would a woman want to strip or fornicate with a stranger? When it is such a valuable and beautiful gift to give yourself to the man you love.

I think  marriage is a wonderful and beautiful institution and shouldn’t be entered into just because the opportunity presents itself. I feel a woman has to be complete, and by complete I mean mature and financially independent. She knows what she wants in her partner, and she has the same moral values as he does. A woman doesn’t marry to become complete or to be taken care of.

She does so to take the major step of becoming a wife, and then, a mother.

When you get right down to it, sex has very little to do with a meaningful relationship.

OK, it does. But there are many factors before it.

Aye and Bee and See

• Attraction. (Physical) Attractiveness. Adventurous.
• Brilliance.
• Compatibility. Companionship. Compassion. Confidence. Competitive. Creative.
• Dedication. Devotion.
• Ethics. Education.
• Faithful. Father Material.
• Gracious.
• Honesty. Honor.
• Interest. Integrity.
• Jubilance.
• Kindred spirits.
• Loyalty. Love.
• Maturity. Morals.
• Nurture.
• Oriented (family and career). Optimistic.
• Proud.
• Qualities similar to mine. Or appealing enough to be worthy having dinner with. Joking.
• Romantic. Responsible. Respectable.
• Stable. Settled down. Sexy.
• Trustworthy.
• Understanding.
• Values. Versatile.
• Worldly.
• X.
• Young at heart.
• Z.

Ok so I got stuck on X and Z. Got any words for me? The comments are open.

I didn’t have the time to worry about men until my mom got on my nerves and I appeared to be a disappointment to her. This was at the ripe old age of 24, and I made a huge mistake trying to overcome this. Parents shouldn’t put pressure on any kid about marriage.

If anything, they should keep out of that part of your life, at least at 24 when I was working hard at my career building.

By this time, parents should have an idea of who you are as an adult. Their job is done for the most part, and instead of treating you like a child, they should be addressing you as an adult.

It’s Me.

My parents gave me a great life. Some might say it was sheltered. I didn’t grow up in front of a television. I was often around many different people. I had very little outside influence, apart from the nuns and our Priest in my schoool, until I went to another school at 14.

There was always an adult around, and we were allowed to participate in sports and clubs. So I don’t consider myself to have ever gone without anything. I would have to say my parents were very nurturing. They taught us education, hard work ethics, along with etiquette and self respect. I am pretty proud of them.

At 27, I had outgrown the bar and club scene, which was pretty limited to a couple times a month anyway; with friends. I preferred to stay at home and have friends over. I was just not in my element at these places, and never had a good time unless we went as a mixed group.

I never wanted to grow up too fast, never wanted be a follower or look older than I was. If I went to a bar today without makeup, I’d be asked for my ID.

Some of these things probably sound pretty lame, but on the other hand, these days you have comedians like Chris Rock boosting,

If a woman tells you she’s 20, and looks 16, she’s 12!