Ah, the unexpected secrets. The dirty laundry we hear over the years from our friends… It makes me sigh and I shake my head when I think about it.

Friends are very important to all of us. I value mine enormously. I don’t have many I would call best friends though. There seem to be a lot more friends and acquaintances that don’t get the privilege of hearing my dirty laundry. That is saved for my boyfriend and my two best girlfriends. All in all it is the trust that builds a friendship that can grow over time where friends or acquaintances have chosen you to confide in.

You actually are unaware of what is going to happen. They have picked the place, time, topic and you for their confidence, and at times it feels like you are taking a confession; but telling them to say three Hail Marys and light a candle would really be inappropriate .

Now this one will make your head spin. The complexity of the content may be rated PG 17.

After college a few of us stayed in touch usually by planning a hike and late lunch. We were a mixed bunch who attended universities in the Boston area, who wanted to stay in touch and enjoyed hiking.

On this specific hike it was only my best girl friend and another guy I meant through her. He too had been a medical student and married to a woman from Europe. Describing her, she was a comfortable fit to our group. Only lacked the time to hang out with us.

On this day the three of us got an early start to a three hour hike. Half way up the mountain, at one of the resting points, he started sharing confidential dirty laundry with us. This would go down as the most memorable and most bizarre circumstances deliberating from a mutual friend.

Well, To Get To The Point…

He said his wife had changed significantly and he had doubts if their marriage could survive. The love they had shared had changed in only a few months. Soon after the wedding, the sex dwindled and she became despondent for a while. Then the bombshell. She admitted - after six months - she had fallen in love with a woman and had confessed to him that they had a sexual relationship. But she would like a baby and him to be the father.

I tried to hold back any expression revealing surprise or anguish, but then my best friend who knew the guy better asked if they’d let him watch when they are getting it on .

Obviously she was trying to deflate any awkwardness that we were feeling. Well, he and I lost it and started laughing but my best friend announced she was serious and he may as well get something out of it. Well he had and he wasn’t going to share the details; but then again we could visualize.

With this being such a sensitive subject, adding some humor helped him take something positive back home that day without making lite of his love triangle and emotions. I was amazed by my best friends boldness and wit because I was speechless.

Down To Earth Again

My best friend also pointed out some serious issues. First his wife was here on a study visa, and the marriage would pave her a path to stay in the States. Secondly, was he willing to share his wife with another lover? Thirdly, to bring a child in to a threesome - would he be allowed to be the father? He could be with another woman, and this opened the door to an extra martial affair for him. Most importantly, the effect on the child. Will it confuse the child or not?

Keeping an open mind, we both tried to point out the possible scenarios he could expect. I have to admit it was hard but I followed my friend’s lead.

We managed to break him at one point, when he wept for a few minutes so we both embraced him. Ensuring him that he wasn’t the first or last guy that this had happened to. That is had nothing to do with his masculinity or sex appeal. She hadn’t been aware of her sexuality and hadn’t been honest to him or herself. Because of his deep love and concern for her it was not the time for us to make judgmental remarks about her character.

He had to decide for himself: did he want to be part of their loop and take the serious responsibility of fatherhood with this woman?

I think for most of us it was clear where his wife was coming from and it should have been easy for him to come to a conclusion fast but when you are in love you tend to keep the blinders on longer.

We never told anyone or spoke much about that conversation on the mountain. We knew it was something that, in time and in his own way, he would share this with the rest of our clique.

In the end, our friend tried to adjust to his situation for a while. But due to the numerous sacrifices on his part, he finally divorced her. There were no diapers in the dirty laundry. Amen.