I’m in an apprehensive mood today. I needed to release some emotions I’m dealing with about this article. It is a true experience of one of my childhood friends. It is an admission of the emotions I had before I learned I was not alone at feeling helpless in reaching her.

She became addicted to Crack in her last year of college.

Addiction effects so many people besides the addict. I started writing about this with A Questionable Day, It’s Showtime and The Invincible Spirit. So I will continue with the last article here on this subject.

Your mind seems to be triggered by a past memory of people or experiences that you have encountered in your life. I can’t seem to shake this one when writing about an old college buddy. The other day, I found myself thinking of one of the other members of our clique. A beautiful and intelligent girl who comes from a good family, who had the world by the balls, until she met the wrong guy at a party.

The Drug

With only a few months to go before getting her bachelor’s degree in Business Administration from Boston University, she plummeted into an ugly life of crack cocaine. She fell down so fast and was overpowered by her addiction that she never graduated. The last month before graduation, she was nowhere to be found. Never attended one class.

Two months had past since graduation. I was home for the 4th of July when I saw her. She had lost so much weight, I hardly recognized her, and she was still with the guy. He had criminal charges pending for the sale of prescription pain killers. Besides her appearance, I was startled by the carefree way she spoke about her new life. It was as if she was proud of it, as if she loved her new life.

I was scared for her as we all were. We tried to get her to go to dinner with all of us, and one time she did join me with one of the couples from our circle. I guess we all had thought it was time for an intervention with her. We all went out of our way to give her support - but failed.

That night, she stole the wallet out of our friend’s purse. Of course, at the time, the wallet was presumed to be lost, not stolen. The truth came out later.

After losing jobs left and right and after various encounters with the law, she alienated herself from her family and friends. She had stolen money and valuables from anyone she could to support her habit.

Her mother had confided to mine. The only way she had been able to cope with her daughter was to mourn for her. As though she was dead. She was realizing the girl was nothing like the daughter she had once been - and feared she would never be again.

Her father had suffered a stroke. I lost track of her after that for sometime. Her family didn’t know where she was. Then she appeared one day at her parents’ house. Distraught and hysterical, she asked them for refuge.

To Good To Be True

Ironically, her boyfriend was parked on a side street, waiting for his girl to come out, hoping she could get money from her parents, for drugs. The girl used this time to seek help from her parents, and when her father asked where the boyfriend was, she told him. He went outside to confront him. She ran out after her father, screaming for his safety, but the druggy boyfriend sped off once the father came into view.

Returning to the house, she then showed them the injuries to her head and legs.

Her boyfriend had taken a pellet gun while arguing with her in a drug induced rage, and shooting her seven times.

Her parents called the police and they took the girl to the emergency room. She gave a statement, only to refuse to sign it afterwards. I guess that by that time, the drugs had worn off. She left the hospital on her own and disappeared for a few more months.

By the next time she saw her parents, her boyfriend was in a county jail waiting to be transferred to a prison in upstate New York. She took this opportunity to marry him in jail, knowing she was pregnant. She then went to her parents who took her in until she got out of control again, stealing their car and some money. The police had her arrested on forgery charges. She had forged her moms name to several checks. Even when she stole their car and the police brought her back, they only found her and made her return the car. Because she lived with her parents, the police didn’t press the issue.

She used drugs during the pregnancy but the baby didn’t test positive at the time of birth. After several violations, and a couple of times incarcerated, she was ordered to go to a rehab program for up to 18 months, but she would have to sign custody of her child over to someone or to the state. Her parents wouldn’t take the child. Her mom has told me she was always afraid to get close to the baby and felt it would always be used as a pawn for the girl to get it her way. I think her mom felt it necessary to protect themselves from her, as now her husband had suffered two strokes, leaving him with severe brain trauma and not being able to care for himself anymore. They had to take care of themselves first.

In the mean time, while the girl awaited an opening at the drug rehabilitation center, her husband was released but became violated after a couple of weeks. This was just long enough to spend some time with his wife.

After his return to prison, she had an irresponsible attitude that she may as well party. So until she was placed in the rehabilitation center, she continued using drugs. After being admitted and having a physical, it was found out she is pregnant again. Then, within a week of knowing the consequents of her husband’s prison sentence - 1 and a third to 3 years -, she fled the treatment center.

She called one of her brothers who picked her up. After seeing her son, she made a call to her probation officer, asking if she could return to the program. She was given a second chance as long as she returned within 24 hours.

She did so and worked the program, graduating with several achievement wards. She gave birth to a daughter she was able to have custody of while living there. After 18 months of treatment, they helped her get an apartment, and she was able to regain custody of her son. From what I understand, both kids are fine and healthy. Thank God.

Still, the only contact with her family was with her siblings. She was still too ashamed to face her parents maybe.

The timing on both her and her husbands release was absurd . He was released a couple of weeks before her. By this time, you would have thought she would have taken measures to get a divorce from him, but she didn’t. She had the packet from legal aid but didn’t understand how to fill in out. She was probably afraid of him or afraid of how she will raise two kids on her own now. But he has never been there for her or their children. She didn’t get back with him.

After a couple of months, the girl called her mom. She explained why she didn’t want to move back home to the community where she was raised and most of her drug use went down. She had an apartment and was following up with outpatient treatment.

She also said that she had both kids with her and was working on a plan to finish her degree. Her mom was happy to hear about that, short time before the completion of her daughter’s program. On the other hand, her son-in-law had been released and had rekindled a relationship with an old girlfriend. Her daughter admitted she was hurt at first, hearing of her husband’s cheating, but realized it was the best thing for her and her children. She told her mom she actually thanked the girl for stealing her husband and was grateful that he was her problem now.

Things are really looking good for her now. It must be an everyday struggle for her. I am very happy that she contacted her parents again; she looks determined to restore that relationship. As for her parents, I can only imagine what it means to go through this. I feel deep sympathy for them. Life didn’t play easy on them, and when I think about it today, I can’t neglect to realize that life can take a turn like this in the blink of an eye, and there is nothing you can do to stop it. But even after what she did to them, her parents took her back.

The girl is now working part time, has daycare for the kids and will be starting college this month.

It comes to my mind that in the end, regardless of what your kid might have done, and no matter what trouble you had to go through, there is always this one little fact that stands against it all: it’s your child. And that will never change.