One Saturday evening  we went out to dinner with some friends who brought along their children, Isaiah 6, Abigail 3, and Rieley1 year old.

While waiting for  dinner the children behaved very well until the food came. For some reason Isaiah began to frigged in his chair complaining Abigail was being bossy and bothering him. Abby’s mom, Tonya spoke up to say “Abigail be a good girl and leave Isaiah alone and Isaiah, get use to it Abby isn’t going to change”.

We all humorously mentioned Isaiah would be running into this problems with the more females he befriends as he gets older.

I  admit,  I am cautious of my language when I am around the small fries. I do enjoy being with children especially these three.

I marvel at their individual personalities and independence at such early ages. Their parents are allowing them to develop their own personalities and they all are so happy.

What happens next is priceless.

After dinner we went back to our house to relax and enjoy some overdue catching up. We girls took the kids into the family room and turned on the television.While watching  All the Single Ladies, by Beyonce on MTV.My little three year old friend, Abby jumped up to dance and sing the song, mimicking Beyonce as well as any 3 year. I smiled as I watched her and listened to her obvious New York accent  adding even more impact to her performance.

Then came the part where she sticks up a finger and sings” If you like it then you should have put a ring on it” waving her hand with her middle finger pointing up. oops!

Tonya quickly corrected “Oh no Abby not the middle finger!Your ring finger.” Abby quickly replied “But mommy that was the finger you pointed up at daddy last night.”

We all cracked up laughing at this. Kids do say the funniest things.

Do you have a funny kids story to share with me? Be my guest. I would love to hear one.

I have been trying to get all my work finished up and this trip I am going to let my friends know I will be going out of town very soon.  I am flying to meet up with Thumper in Germany and then a trip through Europe. So I am very busy and I will keep you posted.

Why that?

Well some of my friends who have chosen to remain single have become very comfortable with their decision to remain spouse-free. All career women and some are single parents. The age group is 31 up to 35 years young and happy with their life decisions.These career minded independent women whom have either forfeited the marriage card but opted for motherhood without a full time father around.

It has bothered me for sometime, that the institution of marriage has weakened to the standards where divorce is inevitable to our generation and we are choosing single life over commitment. Marriage is committing to one person. Is it realistic to think either sex can ignore temptation for the majority of their adult life? It is too me.Looking at the big picture, I think single life sucks but that is my opinion.

Yet some of my friends make a pretty good argument that marriage is an unrealistic commitment that we set our self up for heartache and disappoint. They are really very nice, strong and intelligent women who have decided not to have the traditional lifestyle of their mom and grand-momma. I respect their decision but I like some of the traditional ways when it comes to marriage any ways. It is just not for me. I know the importance of having my father around all the time and want that for my children.

I feel it is important for women to have careers outside of the homemaker and motherhood. It is like a security blanket but must of all very life fulfilling for a woman who wants to do her own thing besides contribute to the household financially. Having a career or job is great I can imagine it has to be harder when you have children it becomes more of a balancing act. The truth is more women are choosing independence over dependence on a martial partner. We have come a long way, baby!

Recently I took a cruise with a couple of girlfriends and it is funny how once we get together the lapse of time disappears and it is almost like being in college again. The free spirited Bunny comes out but don’t take me wrong here,  I’m very committed to  my vows to Thumper, seriously, especially with these chicks. I came home missing and appreciating him even more.

A break from everyday life is great even separate vacations when you are in a relationship actually is good for everyone involved since you can bring new experiences to the table and strengthen the bonds between you and your significant other.

As for my peeps, I still love them although I don’t agree with them they’re still a fun group to party with. These women are strong and very confident which make them more gutsy when they let their hair down faster then then the rest. So frigid isn’t really a typical characteristic of my friends on vacation. It is more what happens on the cruise stays on the boat unless you’re a lame duck like me.

In a way this Bunny felt more like a duck out of water most of the time. There weren’t so many awkward moments caused by being on an all female retreat among couples on cruise, as much as I just wasn’t all that into so much water in a tiny boat in the middle of the Ocean without Thumper! It seemed to be a constant reminder my heart was with my husband and physically with with girlfriends I have shared years of pleasure and pain with.

My most embarrassing moment was wiping out trying to surf on the Flow Rider on board the ship. There were 3 different islands we visited once we boarded in Fort Lauderdale first stop in the  Florida Keys, Key Largo, Ocho Rios, then Montego Bay.

Most memorable the Dunn’s Water Falls. One of natures most beautiful places. The day we were there I was more into enjoying myself and hanging out with the girls. This picture of the falls is cool you can actually walk up the rocks and yes it is very slippery but memorable experience. It was a natural majestic display of God’s artistry.

I didn’t  go shopping much as I said many times before I hate shopping except food shopping  but we did go to the Internet cafes to check emails. Yeah, I know I was on vacation but the girls still had to check on their kids and I wanted to see if Thumper emailed me.

We only had access to our cell phones and the Internet when we were docked. I have to say I didn’t have a huge problem not having a phone or computer at bay.

It was Thumper, I missed madly.

I have to admit once I decided to go on this holiday I was counting the days when I would be returning home and back to having my life as I know it.  I did enjoy being with the girls and all the college/post college nostalgia. I have known these women long before Thumper after all.

I thought it was interesting the change in music and diet when I was with my girlfriends. Have you ever noticed how the music and scenery affects you. We heard a lot of pop and ate a lot of Caribbean foods. I drank Ice teas for the most part and loved the deck lounging out on chase lounges. That was the best of time for me.

I decided not to drink  too much alcohol which was customary in my college days too. What really frightened us was the earthquake in Port- au- Prince, Haiti. We were told at dinner one evening  if a Tsunami occurred after the earthquake, the ship would head to the heart of it to avoid being hit against the side and tipping the boat over. Nope, I still didn’t drink after hearing that. Instead we discussed the movie Titanic and continued to be obnoxious and crazy .

It is inevitable to me sharing life experiences with friends makes for a gratifying life. The female friends that you can reminisce with about loosing  your virginity, landing a job or promotion or just the little stuff like the cute “leather jacket guy” sending you over a drink and flashing your wedding band at him when you wave and say thank you.

One of the most pain experiences shared was when a couple of friends lost babies or had miscarriages. We all huddled around the hospital lending support and understanding during the sadness.

I believe one of the most devastating experiences a woman can have is the lost of a child at anytime. This is pain is  shared by the couple but I have found understood best only by the people closest you. It can be haunting to you until someone inadvertently says something that strikes the deep core of your being.

I want to take this time to thank all my on-line acquaintances for emails, I have been fine and enjoying a much needed rest. Happy to be back and hoping to bring some new topics to you here on Bunny Got Blog.

The answer is: yes, a couple can survive marriage when  they are around each other 24/7 with out killing each other or threatening divorce.You do have moment when there are disagreements but that is normal in any relationship.

There is a normal amount of adjustment when a couple decides to take the plunge and we aren’t just talking marriage here, folk. Just like in any new working atmosphere new techniques and strategies must be learn.  The office sexual harassment wears off eventually, (well calms down after a while besides it’s just us for now.) You have those untamed days of course but one of you snaps back to reality and realize work needs to be completed. After all there is a time for work and a time for play.

OK, seriously we delegate tasks. Once inside the cave well the office we are professional most of the time. The biggest adjustment was changing old habits. These changes started long before the legalities of our relationship were underway. I found myself asking Thumper’s advice on many ideas I had for developing my business. One might say the first step was becoming a sounding board for each other.

Mainly it was me, who had a control issue. It isn’t easy to take on a partner even if he is your husband. There was stubbornness and competitiveness on my part for a while. This man blew into my life and is now taking it over hook, line and sinker! It is almost like being vanished from your throne until you realize the it is a step up from what you have been use to.

Freelancing has become more popular over the last few years. The idea of working out of your home may not be for you. The separation  of personal life and work is felt needed by some. But there are others of us who find having a home office has  solved many common issues. My husband asked me only last night which came first the chicken or the egg. I actually had to stop and think why I was going to give him my answer.

What I am sharing with you is what it is like to be 24/7 with your spouse. Sharing everything including office space. In everything there is an upside and a downside to it.

Many people would be skeptical about being with their spouse so much but there is a method to our madness. Frankly it is simple. Thumper has his career and I have mine then we have our  growing little empire that we work together on.

But  face it there is always compromises in every relationship.

The Benefits:

• flexibility with managing your time:

Time is very important for all of us. The advantages of a home business is you can work around your personal life. This takes self disciple because you need to be productive and not take advantage of being the boss. In some situations you can work a 16 hour day and take a day off. You can schedule you meeting and projects and those tedious tasks that need to be done. The phone can be turned off and the answering service turned on to prevent distractions.

• low overhead:

You are probably paying a mortgage or rent already. So if you are lucky enough to have an extra room this is a great way to get off the ground. Being soul employee has many benefits at the beginning. You have are able to learn every aspect of the business from the bottom up. This is very important not only are you able to save money by doing everything yourself but when you do need to hire someone it makes it easier to delegate work tasks.

• tax write off for having a home office:

There are strict rules you must follow in order to claim a tax deduction. The office space must to used pacifically for work and nothing else. You have your business phone and internet services besides the utility bill for the room which is figured out by the size of the room compared to the rest of the house if it is 15% of the house or apartment this is the amount you can use as a  deduction along with deductions for mortgage or rent,  insurance and if you have a security system these are all write-offs.

• no commute:

You don’t have to worry about being late or finding a parking space. You just have a short commute from one room to another. No trains or buses and no vending machines or fast food restaurants to deal with. This is also a plus since it relieves you of stress. We can make fruit shakes anytime.

• Meetings by phone:

Meeting have a whole new meaning. You don’t even have to get dressed up for them. Just punch the speaker button and your in.

In our case there is always something new brought to the table. Thumper has clients on three different continents. I am into finance and investing. We are both entrepreneurs, who don’t want to work for someone else but for ourselves.

Our day begins when we want it to. It isn’t a typical 9-5 job. Sometimes we may work long into the night and we have even worked a full 24 hour in order to get lose ends tied up before taking time off.

If  we decide to take a day or two off, work has always been taken care of or tasks can wait a couple of days. This is one of the advantages of working for yourself. There are still deadlines to meet but you decide when you do them. I am more flexible then Thumper is on this issue. The end of the month is my busiest time.

When taking time off, the evening before we program the cellphones and email to the right messages and do what needs to be done. It isn’t always planned a week in advance so our clients find out we aren’t available when they call or email us. Work will resume the following day or two later. We may only sleep in for 15 hours after working a 16 hour day. Or we play hooky and do something together.

As long as the job gets done you can manage your time. Often Thumper works six days a week. This is easy to do especially when you are a  web designer. My day job ends on at 3PM on Fridays. This gives me a chance to assist Thumper if he testing a site  or wants my feedback on a design.

When a couple decides to work together it is very important for them to husband and wife first then partners in business second. Before deciding on merging you have to have a deep respect for each others business savvy and ethics.

What I have found is Thumper is gifted when it comes to problem solving. I would even go as far to say it is always the case he knows best even when it comes to my end of the business. Running ideas and problems past him is usually a time safer for me.

He is tenacious, clever and has creative genius and they are only a few reasons I married him.

Many of our personality patterns had been developed prior to living together. We discovered we had to learn to live life like we were sky divers flying tandem instead of solo. For those of you who haven’t skydived,  only one person wears a parachute. This person is the one who is going to control the entire execution from jumping out of the plane, to controlling the stance of the free fall to knowing when to pull the cord to release the parachute at the height needed to make a safe landing. The other person is bound to the person wearing the parachute by a  harness they are strapped into . Freelancing, sort of like free-falling especially when you are in business together.

I don’t procrastinate. If something needs to be taken care of I find the time based on the importance of the task. I don’t sit on it until I feel the stress and pressure. I fit it into my schedule. Where my husband’s thinking is more along the lines of  who are these people that think I have the time for this. Now we are talking clients or even the motor vehicle department. Thumper always makes time for friends and family.

The Disadvantages:

• The office is too available and often to tempting to pass by.
• People work instead of enjoying quality time together.
• You have trouble sleeping you think, may as go to the office and start working on something.
• Conversations become only about business and nothing else.
• Power struggles about who is the boss.
• Disagreements about clients.
• Distractions by the spouse.
• The wife may feel she is in her husband’ s shadow, she has lost her identity.
• Often the wife is taken for the assistant or the secretary.
• Sometimes unwarranted jealousy.

Who is the boss?

I am not going to say there isn’t one. What I will say is we compliment each other well. When discussing matters and decide whether something is worth the risk or not. When we don’t agree it is usually Thumper who has the final word. Why is this? Because even if I am right it avoids an argument besides I don’t claim to know it all but I do know taking risks is all part of business. The title that is important to me is being his wife. I do tease him by saying I allow him to wear the pants in the family and I do!

As far as I am concerned, I love having my husband in charge and he never puts me in his shadow if anything he lets people know I am his strength as he is mine. I do not feel less in any way but more important on a whole basis. We have a mutual respect for each others knowledge in business but our family life is more important to us. So I usually kick back and have a glass of red wine with the boss before bed, then I sleep with him. Not a bad deal at all.

I believe if you are self confident and know how to accept who is better at what – having your husband as your business partner is a blessing.

Personally I hate to shop but have been dragged out by the girls on occasion for the sales on Black Friday. It isn’t that I don’t love giving it is the shopping carts become bumper cars and then lines being massive and the people rude, just too much for me.

Play these before you shop!