I recently read an interview on CBS Sunday Morning by Lesley Stahl, with Patty Davis. Patty, the daughter of President and Nancy Reagan, has written a book of reconciling with her mom after the president’s death. This book is going to be a bestseller in my mind. For one thing, it has many other women’s observations of their own relationship with their mothers.

The name of the book is The Lives Our Mothers Leave Us – the interview with Patty Davis was titled Road To A Reconciliation and has been broadcast, but you can watch it under the above link. There was also another interview a week later for wowowow.com, which I find to be better than the one on CBS. Do watch it if you’re interested – Patty talks about her new book and how she came to writing it. She also mentions she had an eerie feel in her mom’s house when she was there alone – that was actually when she got the idea for the book.

And I knew that even when she’s gone, she’ll never be gone, because our mothers live so deep inside us.
- Patty Davis

Relationships of any kind affect us from the time we are born. I think many of us hear our mom’s voice still echoing years after we have moved out on our own. My mom is a great mom with a huge heart. She has influenced me and who I am today very much. I can really connected to what Patty said here.

There are some things that remind me of my mother when I was growing up. Our parents were strict but very loving. My mom made it very clear that her life is her family – everyone loves her.

Etiquette

My parents both worked together, and often we would be with her. They knew it was important that we had dinners and family time every night. Life as we knew it was pretty scheduled and routine – it taught us discipline and earned them and us the respect of others.

Like every parent, she wanted more for her children than what she had in the beginning. Mom’s childhood was very different from mine. As an adult, she took her mother-in-law as her role model. A tough woman with a heart of pure gold. Grandma believed mom need to start from the bottom up in the family business, so that she could learn it and appreciate it. Mom didn’t enjoy that – but did do it.

When choosing a school for us kids, mom played an active part in the school so she could have eyes in the walls as to what I did and who I was associated with. So a private Catholic school was their choice – today, I have to admit this was the right choice. I will always have warm hearted memories of my school, my family, and the always prefect posture

Of course I didn’t feel that way when I was the protagonist of that period of my life (as opposed to the observer looking back that I am today). Why could other girls wear jeans, but not me? All the other girls had so much freedom and no-one would take away their chewing gum in class. Given they were attending a different school. That was unfair, of course. Yet my brother and I did what was asked of us, and so we grew up to who we are today, while a few of those girls I envied earlier soon started to lose their aura of coolness to drugs and other uncool stuff.

Another change of perspective occured when I realized that the methods my parents had used to raise us were only for the good of us. My mom continually made my brother and me feel like we were on display – that bothered me quite a bit when I was little. We were expected to act as grown-up as possible and represent the family business. Behaving well in public and using proper etiquette was taught at a very early age.

Another thing was dressing me up like a doll and not allowing me to wear jeans and t-shirts to the mall. Mom always liked the frilly girl things – and I wasn’t into that at all.

Perspecitve

But you see, it’s all in the perspective. Not allowing me to wear what everyone else wore at the time helped build my taste and my feeling for style, and prevented me from being a sheeple to trends. Today, I live in comfort jeans and t-shirts and don’t like a cluttered closet. Black pants or pencil skirts with blue or white tailored shirts for work. I am very self-secure about what I like, what fits me, and what looks good. Mom is still telling me to add some color to my wardrobe every now and then though.

Skills

And my school – my school taught leadership skills for young women. You were expected to show respect and concern for everyone including yourself, and acceptance to all. The values and morals taught by my parents were also strengthened by my grandparents, and what seemed to be my extended family – my teachers. Self-discipline, responsible discussion making, and accountability. This has influenced my endless desire to learn. All qualities that have molded me into who I am.

Support

All sources of support that were provided to me have affected many of the choices I have made in my life. In particular, the focus on giving back to the community instilled in me a strong need for a mission component in my life and my career. It has played an important role in my career decisions, which have increasingly sought to integrate a social bottom line into whatever I do. It has instilled an endless desire for learning and to freely express respect, compassion, forgiveness and generosity to others.

Fun?

At younger age, I sometimes felt that my mom wanted to create a mini-me up to a point. She was and is a strong woman and I sometimes felt like I missed out on all the fun. But of course that is not true. I had the best of both worlds; I had a wonderful, joyful childhood and grew up learning what is important in life. Of course I had a lot of influence from my grandparents and dad also.

My mom is in her mid-fifties and looks youthful and beautiful. She drinks Manhattans and is still a social butterfly. She loves to shop and play golf with her girlfriends, and once in a while she plays partners with my dad and another couple. I am proud of my mother and love her very much.

I guess sometimes your biggest critic can be the best thing that ever happened to you after all.

Check out the book by Ronald and Nancy Reagan’s daughter: The Lives Our Mothers Leave Us (by Patty Davis)