After many years of having an entourage of men surrounding me at work, I decided I would never get romantically involved with a co-worker. Investment and finance is just too competitive an industry, and the men are probably the second biggest BS artists in the world. Besides, you should have a balance in your life - and personal interests other then work .

I found I could talk more freely to my male peers by keeping it business as usual. Many times I was the only woman on the trip and the men usually would split up; younger and single to older and married. I usually had dinner with the older men discussing the next days preparations. Distancing myself from the younger ones who were on the prowl. After dinner, I went to my hotel room and changed for the gym. This was a repetitious cycle every week until my transfer. After having my wings clipped, I was happy to finally be grounded from weekly business trips and have a social life.

The ironic thing being my first male friend was in the same field as me. I looked at him as a little brother and our family background was much the same - being closely knit. Because I was a couple years older and had more experience in the field, I became his muse. He, in return, became my protector. A very good warning sign that trouble is ahead.

He was often sticking his nose into my personal relationship and annoying me countless times. He has crossed the line several times, be it emailing me or sending me pictures of when we were among our mutual friends - suggesting that we should be able to have a civil friendship.

I have discovered that you can’t continue a friendship when one has feelings the other doesn’t reciprocate. Thinking you can be friends, and continuing contact, is too upsetting for both parties. Mainly because I was naive, believing we could actually remain friends; but every time we tried, he was encouraged - then felt rejected when relationship became serious with my fiance .

It reminds me of the movie When Harry Met Sally. Billy Crystal tells Meg Ryan, they can never be friends since sex has already doomed their friendship because when a man finds a women attractive he is always contemplating having sex with her. Astonished, she asks what about the women they aren’t attracted to; and his reply was they still want to have sex with them.

I think this corners the market on the male libido.

Similar things have been said to me over the years, and it has been men telling me this. This is the irony of it: I have had platonic relationships and most have ended up with me not noticing that a crush has developed

I’m still pretty short term for having male friends. They seem to always create needless controversy when I am happy. This is a sad circumstance that his unreasonable persistence has created the necessity to end a friendship; but it isn’t as big of a sacrifice as it would be to prolong his mission to find a woman that would love him back. In my case, I have my man. He gives me all the attention and love I need. I don’t have to have my ego fed by a crush.

Then again, when men have female friends, are they only looking for a piece of ass? Like - is this a double standards one has to deal with? For some reason, men love to have their ego stroked. In a relationship you, the female, stopped having the male buddies. Then he finds someone who boosts his ego. Maybe conversing about shared interests. Maybe a female in the same field or a confidant. But why does he need her when he has you?

Of course, he will be flattered even more by your appearing jealously; what he takes for the green eyed monster is the unfair way he has laid down the rules that you were willing agreed on - to have no contact with your male friends. Are you losing your individuality because you are in love, or is he a control freak?

It seems to me: they want you for themself along with any woman who gives them the time of day. He longs for a partner - and when he finds her, and has a couple of kids, the house and pool in the backyard - he decides to get a little “action on the side” to rejuvenate his ego; trying to revive his youth while you are home with the kids picking up his dry cleaning. And he is out carousing and getting laid. The thing is you never can get those years back, and is a loving relationship so easy to jeopardize? Was it a mistake in the first place?

Is marriage and fidelity extinct?

Some men obviously have a short term memory span when it comes to women and their moral obligations. Disrespecting us and their family, allowing their little head to rule over the bigger one.

When one feels the other has to change something for them, but wont make the change themselves, they are becoming the dominate partner. You are becoming submissive.

So does this mean we should keep them on their toes and have male friends?

I think it is a matter of protecting your relationship. When little signals show up, don’t ignore them. Make the rules together and fair. It takes an honorable man and woman to keep it together. We all know love is blind, but if you leave the blinders on for to long, you have more a taste of sour grapes.

So when it comes to men, remember this:

Men are like a fine wine. They begin as grapes, and it’s up to women to stomp the shit out of them until they turn into something acceptable to have dinner with.

Photo above by Brian Solis