The argument continues between the sexes, about who is attracted to whom. My question is, can we be categorized like this?

There is a partner for you somewhere. It may not be the guy next door, but he is out there somewhere. The thing is: yes, we have waited until we establish our career, and we’ve fumbled through meaningless relationships. But hey, that doesn’t mean all the good ones have been taken or that you have to start comprising your standards! After all you have accomplished what you set out to do, and now you are ready for a relationship. You should expect a man to take you as seriously as you take yourself on the subject. And this goes for every woman, not just for attractive women! What woman doesn’t want it all? Well, the thing is: we all can have it all.

I just read a current study from the University of Texas in Austin published in Evolutionary Psychology by the psychology researcher David M. Buss.

His findings state that women’s preferences can be influenced by their own attractiveness. The article Attractive Women Want it All talks about good genes, economic investments, parenting proclivities, and emotional commitment.

The complete article is quite lengthy, and I find this study to be noteworthy to us, but not exactly in the manner he possibly thought it was.

Having higher standards based on appearance, or how much money he has in his wallet, is a shallow conception of how things really are.

Granted - when I read it, it came off to me as a promotion to run, not walk, to your nearest plastic surgeon if you want to have it all. Singling out beautiful women - not intelligent women! - to have their sights set high on a man. I say, it doesn’t take looking gorgeous to have self respect and honor. Then the blasphemy of implying that older, less attractive or uneducated women are willing to compromise settling for Mr. Good Enough.

I find it sad to think that any woman would spin a curve on a life long commitment by eliminating crucial characteristics for a mate. Unfortunately, some women have chosen this path, suffering the consequences pointed out in the article.

Is it the sexy blond, brunette, or redhead who uses her body to get want she wants? Or is it the majority of women who have placed high standards upon themselves when reaching success, expecting an equal partner? “She” has become the total package, after all, and it isn’t easy in many fields (especially male oriented ones) where sexism is a stronger influence on progressing equally to our male colleagues. Now chances are, the sexy and beautiful woman who can quote/unquote have it all, has to work twice as hard as any other person in her department. This is when her attractiveness is more of a handicap for her.

Back to this “study”: I realize this is only one out of many. So let’s look at what they say about how they conducted the “research”. From the document:

Participants were 214 individuals, 107 men and 107 women, who had been married less than one year at the time of testing. [...] The mean age of the male sample was 25.46 years [...]. The mean age of the female sample was 24.78 years [...]. Couples were given $25 per couple in return for their participation.

Can this study be taken seriously, as it stereotypes us following a set of predefined questions that a whopping 107 couples had to answer - all married for less than a year, and just starting to breathe post-teen air? Mr. David M. Buss, are you kidding me?

The fact that this article was even found worthy of publication astonishes me. It is a study with the synopsis underestimating the values most people hold for the most important goal in their lives: to have the perfect mate. It’s giving us a bunch of antithetical hypotheses - categorizing women and their preferences by omitting valid and indispensable demographic factors such as age, social origin and income level.

I do agree that we look for the four categories of characteristics mentioned:

1. Good genes, reflected in desirable physical traits,
2. Resources,
3. The desire to have children next to good parenting skills, and finally
4. Loyalty and devotion.

Now I cant say that I agree to the order in which they are listed - nor to the restriction to four categories.

I believe it is a matter of having similar values, goals and moral character that all women are looking for in a partner. Of course, physical attraction is important. You are going to look at this man for the rest of your life.

Early on in our relationship, my fiance said to me, “this isn’t a business deal”. Well, in a way it is. There is a contract yet to be signed but he has the job permanently. I can’t recall if I was actually giving him a job interview, but it must have appeared that way.

Honestly, it took years to establish a mental list of requirements. Once I knew what qualities I sought in a man, I was only driven to meet the one that measured up.

Finding the right man turns out to be strenuous, as they are a rare commodity. I cut to the chase by asking questions like anyone else does, to feel him out on his values and intentions. At one point, I decided to take a break finding “him” and work on my business only.

That is when he found me.

His interest in me was reciprocated right from start. Not only did I find him incredibly handsome, but we were on the same page professionally. Before I knew it, we were sharing pointers and supporting each other’s careers. Our relationship has been based on honestly providing the strong foundation that is meeting our individual specifications.

I know now I sound like I am building a house - well, we are! Metaphorical, but true. The structure of our relationship is in construction, and we have added several rooms to it, but we are still in the building progress. Marriage, the merging of our businesses and having children are next.

As for resources and being a good provider: exactly what does that mean? To me, it is like measuring his value between his legs instead of his integrity and honor. Who knows better than you what you are looking for?